In my most honest of moments… I’m absolutely ashamed of how weak and faithless I truly am…

That’s what I told myself after I watched the video below.

As our family is going through a season of affliction, as I am going through a season of affliction… I realized what a poor pitiful spiritual loser I really am.

What detestable unbelief is this that lies in the human heart. We pay lip-service to the sovereignty of God in all things but in times of trouble and pain, our hearts are far from it.

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Do I truly understand what God has said? Do we truly understand what God has said? It is God that has promised! It is God that has spoken! It is God not any other man! In the Father’s eyes, through His Son, are we not more valuable than mere birds or lilies? This is not the love of a man. This is not the faithfulness of any other. This is the God who speaks: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you (Jer 31:3).”

Matthew 10:29-31 not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Are we not more valuable than sparrows? Sparrows of which will not fall without the active participation of the Father? Are we not more valuable than they?

The Lord Christ Jesus, who is of infinite worth gave Himself for us bearing the full wrath of God—Him of infinite worth—that was the price paid to redeem you and me! And yet we doubt His faithfulness? And yet we forget His sovereignty? We forget that He is ever present in each and every moment of our lives and He never, ever, ever fails to deliver?!

What horrid sin is this! What mighty sinners are we. What feeble saints we are.

Oh, Lord you know me! You know my frame! I am but a weak beggar clinging on the throne of your great grace!

Lord I believe, help my unbelief!

So many times I have sat in office, I have cried, I have doubt, I have grumbled, but in-spite of my lack of faith He has never failed! This is not about the faith of some super spiritual saint, it is about some weak grumbling little child, who can’t even learn one lesson about faith and God never, never, never, failed! Can’t you trust a God like that? Can’t you begin to trust a God like that?

—Paul Washer

In the end of it all, my heart reverberates with bro. Paul Washer:

“He never fails! And the wonderful thing of it is that spiritually I am a loser!”